I realized today that I have mentioned a lot about everything that happened after I gave birth to my daughter. What about the women who are currently pregnant? What about the women struggling and feel alone?
I am here to tell you that you are not alone. I am here for every one of my readers any way I can.
Deciding to have a baby was not an easy choice for my husband and myself. In fact, we where only engaged at the time. As I have mentioned before, I have been told from a young age that I could not have a child (WRONG). After several months of talking back and forth about the pros and cons of starting a family, engaged but not wed, we decided to start trying. It took over a year but after giving up, we found out we were pregnant!
I thought this was going to be the best thing ever. I was going to glow as I walked down the street. I was not going to turn into an over controlling mother. HA!
The first trimester felt like it would never end. Every time I went to the bathroom I was terrified that I might be bleeding. I was concerned about the fact that we just moved in with my husbands parents. We were not even close to being prepared! We were too young and I was not mother material. I struggled with trying to figure out how we were going to provide and what we were going to do.
I was so sick that I couldn’t even keep down water! I was getting more and more dehydrated by the day so I had to constantly go in for IV fluid.
The second trimester got a little better. I was still sick but I was starting to be able to eat some things like, frozen mac n cheese and veggies! My husband got a job that he hated but brought in money so that we could move out and provide for our child. My family was so supportive from giving us hand-me-downs to buying us bottles, clothes, and diapers! Everyone was so excited but I still wasn’t. I was depressed and felt no joy in my early pregnancy. I saw the joy others had around me and I tried to imitate them. It wasn’t until we found out the gender of our baby that I started to feel a connection.
This made it more real to me. It made me think and connect to the child. Thinking up names and counting the kicks. Once I could feel her inside me I felt a sense of relief because I knew that she was okay in there. We did move into our own place but then I was stressed about getting it ready for a baby and that seemed impossible at the time.
The third trimester got interesting. I was so hot, uncomfortable, and cranky that I wanted to get the baby out! I walked miles upon miles. I started to come together. I confronted my fear of motherhood with knowledge. I read books, news articles and even random blogs. I made sure that I knew that the choices I made for my daughter were educated.
If you are struggling in your pregnancy know that you are not alone! Many women struggle with these things. This is not your fault and everyone finds their own way to feel confident. However, I suggest doing your own research…but stay away from sites like WebMD where you always see the worst stuff.
From the day that you find out your pregnant you are a mom, in my eyes. From that day on, you make all the choices for yourself and that fetus. Momming is hard and with each step comes new challenges. Just take it one day at a time and you will be just fine.
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